Reverse, revert, review...

24 hours later....


I'm exhausted. One thing I have figured out about exhaustion, is that when I'm tired, it actually hurts to move my face. As if the muscles are too tired to rearrange into any type of emotion...and yet I still can't sleep because my brain is working overtime. So my face may have taken a hiatus, but my brain is clearly on overdrive...so here I am...spouting my nonsense for you all to be mesmerized with...


The last few days have been rough. A lot of ups and downs in such a short amount of time might undo the faint of heart, but if you follow along in most love stories, you will notice there is always some evil horrible plot twist. Sometimes it leads to where the couple for some odd reason can't be together. A misunderstanding, miscommunication, family, friends, something keeps them apart, ruins their romance...something happens to prolong their happy ending. But...if you stick it through, and watch the entire movie, read the entire book, you just might get to see their happy ending. Asking someone to have faith, is not easy,  it isn't a lot to ask when you love each other. 


BUT...I've seen some of my friends, work through YEARS of waiting for their happy ending. Which is almost here. The things they have gone through...I can't even imagine. They are truly my heroes. Their perseverance, never ending faith and hope in love. (OK so their was some pouting..but who is counting) I'm happy to be here for the beginning of their journey TOGETHER...and just like them...I will wait. I will be patient...like i said, it isn't a lot to ask when it is all about love.

Foo Fighters ~Walk~

A million miles away
Your signal in the distance
To whom it may concern
I think I lost my way
Getting good at starting over
Every time that I return

I'm learning to walk again
I believe I've waited long enough
Where do I begin?
I'm learning to talk again
Can't you see I've waited long enough
Where do I begin?

Do you remember the days
We built these paper mountains
And sat and watched them burn
I think I found my place
Can't you feel it growing stronger
Little conquerors

I'm learning to walk again
I believe I've waited long enough
Where do I begin?
I'm learning to talk again
I believe I've waited long enough
Where do I begin?

Now
For the very first time
Don't you pay no mind
Set me free again

[ To keep alive a moment at a time
But still inside a whisper to a riot
To sacrifice but knowing to survive
The first to climb another state of mind
I'm on my knees, I'm praying for a sign
Forever, whenever
I never wanna die
I never wanna die
I never wanna die
I'm on my knees
I never wanna die
I'm dancing on my grave
I'm running through the fire
Forever, whenever
I never wanna die
I never wanna leave
I never say goodbye
Forever, whenever, forever, whenever

I'm learning to walk again
I believe I've waited long enough
Where do I begin?
I'm learning to talk again
Can't you see I've waited long enough
Where do I begin?

I'm learning to walk again
I believe I've waited long enough
I'm learning to talk again
Can't you see I've waited long enough

That was yesterday, this is today...

How amazing is it how quickly things can change in a day.


Things you perceived to be one way are now another. No way to look back now. The past even if it is a mere 24 hours, means nothing.


Living and learning, being older and stronger, mean more than falsehoods and tantrums.


So today I am weak. Just for today, ok maybe a week. But when I'm done. You can deal with your own pain. I'm under and over it.

5FDP Under & Over It

Did you hear the one about me being a punk?
Did you hear the one about me being a drunk?
Did you hear the one about me losing my nerve?
Or how I'm just another fucking sheep in the herd?
Did you hear about the money, how it made me change?
So funny to me, all the time that they waste.
Did you hear the one about me giving a shit?
Cause if I ever did I don't remember it.

You can be me and I will be you.
You can live just like a star.
I'll take my sanity, you take the fame.
I'm under and over it all.
(I'm under and over it.)

Did you hear the one about me playing the game?
Selling my soul and changing my name.
Did you hear the one about me being a prick?
Did you know I don't care? You can suck my...
Did you hear the one about me trying to die?
Fist in the air and a finger to the sky.
Do I care if you hate me? Do you wanna know the truth?
C'est la vie... adiós... good riddance... fuck you!

You can be me and I will be you.
You can live just like a star.
I'll take my sanity, you take the fame.
I'm under and over it all.
(I'm under and over it.)
I, I, I'm under and over it.
I, I, I'm under and over it.

You can be me and I will be you.
You can live just like a star.
I'll take my sanity, you take the fame.
I'm under and over it all.
(I'm under and over it.)
I'm under and over it all.
(I'm under and over it.)
I, I, I'm under and over it.
I, I, I'm under and over it.

I'm finally fully alive

Trauma...feeling traumatized...I've been feeling a bit of that lately. Stepping out each day and wondering what will happen next, feeling a bit out of control and out of sorts with work, health, and weather.  After today's holiday, I've decided to say screw it. I'm too happy to stay all melancholy about what may be and what has been. Lately, I've noticed that either you ARE happy, or you don't WANT to be happy.  It is not the HAVEs or HAVE NOTs....change it, change what you want or change how you want to get what you want...achieve it...it can happen. Because, feeling a little bit of happiness creep in little by little is like not feeling it at all. Having it crash down around your head and heart, makes it pretty much evident that you aren't going to escape the tidal wave.  I think I may need to learn to surf, this is going to be a long and wonderful ride.

Flyleaf

"Fully Alive"
Telling Layla's story spoken
'Bout how all her bones are broken
Hammers fall on all the pieces
Two months in the cover creases


Fully alive
More than most
Ready to smile and love life
Fully alive and she knows
How to believe in futures


All my complaints shrink to nothing
I'm ashamed of all my somethings
She's glad for one day of comfort
Only because she has suffered


Fully alive
More than most
Ready to smile and love life
Fully alive and she knows
How to believe in futures


Fully alive
More than most
Ready to smile and love life
Fully alive and she knows
How to believe in futures


Fully alive
More than most
Ready to smile and love life
Fully alive and she knows
How to believe in futures

Opinions...

A really old joke, you can't have an opinion, I haven't given it to you yet...ok...ya so it goes something like that. But, because I do believe, along with everyone else, that the world revolves around me...because IT DOES. (I do not have ESP so as yet have no way of knowing what everyone else is thinking, so must therefore assume that I must only live my life....thus MY WORLD, people, at least Rucker gets it...he could be just humoring me.)  It is always fine to have an opinion...just don't try GIVING it to someone else. Share it. Explain it. Lovingly, always.


Five Finger Death Punch Hard To See

I'm growing so disturbed
Nothing makes sense to me anymore
I'm learning to resist
Becoming more than you ever were

Can't explain what's come over me, come over me
Can't explain why it's so hard for me, so hard to see your side

Projecting all my anger
I can't seem to get this through to you
The walls are closing in
I dare you to walk in my shoes

Can't explain what's come over me, come over me
Can't explain why it's so hard for me, so hard to see your side

Your side
I won't see your side

Can't explain what's come over me, come over me
Can't explain why it's so hard for me, so hard to see your side
Can't explain what's come over me, come over me
Can't explain why it's so hard for me, so hard to see your side

I won't see your side
Your side

Today Just Feels Good

I love you.

~One Republic~

"Secrets"

I need another story
Something to get off my chest
My life gets kinda boring
Need something that I can confess
'Til all my sleeves are stained red

From all the truth that I've said
Come by it honestly I swear
Thought you saw me wink, no
I've been on the brink, so

Tell me what you want to hear
Something that will light those ears
Sick of all the insincere
So I'm gonna give all my secrets away

This time, don't need another perfect lie
Don't care if critics ever jump in line
I'm gonna give all my secrets away

My God, amazing how we got this far
It's like we're chasing all those stars
Who's driving shiny big black cars
And everyday I see the news
All the problems that we could solve

And when a situation rises
Just write it into an album
Singing straight, too cold
I don't really like my flow, no, so

Tell me what you want to hear
Something that will light those ears
Sick of all the insincere
So I'm gonna give all my secrets away

This time, don't need another perfect lie
Don't care if critics ever jump in line
I'm gonna give all my secrets away

Oh, got no reason, got no shame
Got no family I can blame
Just don't let me disappear
I'ma tell you everything

So tell me what you want to hear
Something that will light those ears
Sick of all the insincere
So I'm gonna give all my secrets away

This time, don't need another perfect lie
Don't care if critics ever jump in line
I'm gonna give all my secrets away

So tell me what you want to hear
Something that will light those ears
Sick of all the insincere
So I'm gonna give all my secrets away

This time, don't need another perfect lie
Don't care if critics never jump in line
I'm gonna give all my secrets away
All my secrets away, all my secrets away

For those interested in the fun of a go show:







Official Music Video

~Panic at the Disco~

Nine in the Afternoon

Back to the street where we began
Feeling as good as lovers can, you know
Yeah we're feeling so good

Pickin’ up things we shouldn’t read
It looks like the end of history as we know
It’s just the end of the world

Back to the street where we began
Feeling as good as love, you could, you can

Into a place where thoughts can bloom
Into a room where it's nine in the afternoon
And we know that it could be
And we know that it should
And you know that you feel it too
'Cause it's nine in the afternoon

And your eyes are the size of the moon
You could 'cause you can so you do
We're feeling so good
just the way that we do
When it's nine in the afternoon

Your eyes are the size of the moon
You could 'cause you can so you do
We're feeling so good

Back to the street
Down to our feet
Losing the feeling of feeling unique
Do you know what I mean?

Back to the place
Where we used to say
Man it feels good to feel this way
Now I know what I mean

Back to the street, back to the place,
Back to the room where it all began, hey
Back to the room where it all began
'Cause it's nine in the afternoon

Your eyes are the size of the moon
You could 'cause you can so you do
We're feeling so good
Just the way that we do
When it's nine in the afternoon
[x3]

Stuck in my head...

Sometimes thoughts can be better than candy.

If you don't get that, you need to get out more.

Engrossed in my own hoodle-doins...yes that is a word....I forget and forgive much easier.  I overlook everyones propensity for drama and negativity, because ~ I am happy.  It gives time to reflect on my own attitude over the last few years and makes me realize how easy it is to do. To be happy.


I also listen to a lot more music when I'm in this frame of mind. The music that I used to go to when I was angry,or mad, or depressed, now doesn't hold the same affect.  I can sing and shout it at the top of my lungs and it's just great music, great lyrics, freaking awesome vocals, and makes me want to DANCE.


Sam asked me today if something was wrong, it has been the opposite, everything is right. I can feel it.


So anyway, about the lady with the cat in the stroller....what would make someone buy a cat stroller??? and why does a cat need to be 'walked' in a stroller.....just sayin'...

Chevelle ~ The Red ~

They say freak,
When you're singled out,
The red, well it filters through.

So lay down, the red is real,
When his sight goes red again.
Seeing red again,
Seeing red again.

This change, he won't contain,
Slip away, to clear your mind.
When asked, who made it show,
The truth, he gives in to most.

So lay down, the red is real
When his sight goes red again.

So lay down, the red is real
When his sight goes red again.
So lay down, the red is real
When his sight goes red again.

Seeing red again,
Seeing red again,
Seeing red again,
Seeing red again,
Seeing red again,
Seeing red again,
Seeing red again,
Seeing red....

They say freak...
When you're singled out.
The red, it filters through...

 

Never Forget, Never Regret...Mean it, Believe it.

This week, I've finally buckled down *giggle* and started writing for a project I am working on with a friend...Wow, ok, now I'm editing my blog, this sucks...for a very good friend. This project is something that has me thinking a lot about the past. It has me remembering a lot of things that I (before) would sooner forget than bring up or even try to deal with. That coupled with going out with Junior High and High School friends and our Reunion coming up...I'm OVERWHELMED with memories...and for once in my life...I love it. I am not hiding from it. I embrace what has made me who I am today. What has gotten me to this point in time that I am at RIGHT NOW. I adore today. I would not change today for the world. I want to share this with everyone ~ how I feel.  OMG...how do you explain the years of not being who you were meant to be and 37 years later..poof, there you are??  I am Kerry. I have never been Kerry until today. I've been Ker-Bear...I've been your friend, your cousin, your daughter, your mother, your niece, your grandaughter, your step-mother, your sister-in-law, your wife, your ex-wife, your girlfriend, your lover...but not me. I don't do the things I do because you want me to, I do them because you deserve it, you need it, I want it...Amazing.  If life has always been this simple, I wish I had known before...wish I could have been told before. But I don't think that is how it works. You have to find your edge. You have to find your own way. You have to discover what makes you, YOU, and decide whether that is fine enough or NOT.  I am fabulously me.  OMG am I ever. And you know they love me because of it.  The ones that stay, the ones that fight for me and encourage me, and never doubt or destroy me...ADORE me for me.  :) My minions.

This project will be the one that will make me scream NO NO I will never forget, NO NO I will never regret...NO NO I will live my LIFE! 

Jump on...or you might miss the ride...It is an amazing one....

30 Seconds to Mars ~ Closer to the Edge

I don't remember the moment I tried to forget
I lost myself, is it better not said
I'm closer to the edge

It was a thousand to one and a million to two
Time to go down in flames and I'm taking you
Closer to the edge

[Chorus:]
No I'm not saying I'm sorry
One day maybe we'll meet again
No I'm not saying I'm sorry
One day maybe we'll meet again
No no no no

Can you imagine a time when the truth ran free?
The birth of a song, the death of a dream
Closer to the edge

This never ending story
Paid for with pride and fate
We all fall short of glory
Lost in our fate

[Chorus]

No no no no
I will never forget
No no
I will never regret
No no
I will live my life

[Chorus]

Closer to the edge
Closer to the edge
No no no no
Closer to the edge
Closer to the edge
No no no no
Closer to the edge